Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Smell Yah Later, 2013. A Year in Review.

Bought our Home March 2013

Image: Jamie Brant Photography

Got Married 09.28.2013 Fort Mill, SC

Mini-Moon in Southport, NC October 2013

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LOVE Upcycled Wine Cork Letters : 33 Repins!! 5 Likes!!

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This year has been crazy, fantastic, exhausting, exciting, and overwhelming. While this blog is a place I want to share the things that bring me joy, I never want to come across as if I have it all together, because frankly, like all humans, I do not. I would love to say that all of the things I accomplished this year have been easy. To me, being me, it was one of the toughest years for me personally. I really had to go deep within myself to be BRAVE (my One Little Word for 2013 that I did not realized until the end of the year) and put my game face on to all of the obstacles and challenges that were in my way. Granted, I got through them all, but it was not without some/ many very emotional breakdowns. 

I took on a lot this year. The rewards have been so large and fantastic but at the same time they came with so much more responsibility and being me, second thoughts. For some, on the outside, this year may have seemed so "over the top," so full of benefits being reaped; but, in fact, it was quite the inner and sometimes outer struggle all at once that really challenged who I am at my core. Yes, I planned a wedding, bought a beautiful house, had a loving and understanding partner along the way (I thank God for him every day), got through two mentally and physically grueling academies, started what may be a career for me, got married, and started this blog. In all honesty, (and I am not by any means being ungrateful or unappreciative because I am all of those things as well) as the person going through it all with my family at a distance and scarce girl friends in the area to help me at my lowest points, I felt like I was at times so undeserving of such amazing things and, very honestly, fearful that I could not live up to the responsibilities that they each require. Who am I at age 23 to be entrusted with such things that quite frankly, I am so unknowledgeable at taking care of (ie. home ownership and repairs)? 

Being BRAVE took on so many facets in my life this year. I had to step up to the plate and try to assume the role of someone who is BRAVE when in reality I am quite the cowardish girl, or so I feel, on the inside. I had to stand up as a leader ( I was voluntold to be our Assistant Class Leader) in my academies next to my peers who were often times older, much more seasoned, and the majority of whom were of the male gender. I was often times looked at as the "one to beat" when inside I felt that I had no idea how to accomplish the task at hand and would much rather have been a follower in such circumstances if given the opportunity. In the work force, I was challenged as a strong (seeming) female to squash my feminist views and try and conform or fit into a male dominated field while obviously having the emotional highs and lows of a typical female. At home, I was molding before my own eyes and beyond my control into a (slightly) domesticated housewife, making lists and requiring chores that I never even witnessed in a "two parent" home, seeing as I am the child of a divorce at an early age. Never mind the fact that on top of all of the male populated activities I was involved in through my training, I was trying to put my feminine and creative touches on our wedding, all while my inner divorced child mind kept whispering fallacies that marriages are destructible, impossible, and damaging to my future (very future!) children's psyche. 

Oh sure, this year was beyond fantastic in its own rite, but you see there was so much more going on under the surface resulting in many boiling over emotional breakdowns that my poor optimistic future (now current) husband had to bring me back down to reality from. I am deeply grateful for the courage I have cultivated this year, but again if I am being entirely honest, I am so looking forward to the calm after the storm. Yes, I have been BRAVE this year when instinct told me I was not enough or capable, but I look forward to 2014 when I am going to learn to take a step back, step down from my over-thinking/ second guessing tendencies and just TRUST (my One Little Word for 2014) that I am where I need to be to go where I am supposed to go. Cheers to 2014! 

Smell yah later 2013! Happy New Year! 


P.S. Sharing honest thoughts is very difficult in such a public forum, but I believe that being honest with my friends and readers is much better than faking that life is all DIY and no real challenges along the way. I look forward to 2014 and the journey that Hous.Love.Dog.Blog is embarking on! 

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